Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Monday, July 5, 2010
I'm... incapable of doing anything
There is always a moment where you pause, reflect, and wonder where exactly your life is heading.
Is it down the street, past your neighbourhood, out of your town, far away from home and the things you are used to? Is it that spot right where your feet are grounded, around places and people you've known longer than you've really known yourself? Sometimes, you can feel like just getting on your bike and pedaling hard until your legs start to burn and you feel like you can't push yourself to go an inch further. Sometimes you don't even know where you're going, but you know deep inside that you just have to go. There are times when we just need to know how far we can really get without ever turning back.
I started pedaling without a goal... without even knowing the meaning behind my actions.
I was afraid this whole time.
I was afraid of not knowing the future.
I was afraid of not knowing what I wanted to do.
I was afraid of myself for now knowing what to do.
And I was afraid of the days that were nevertheless flying by mercilessly.
Always... I'd always thought...
"How far can I go without looking back?"
That was the reason I started riding.
I finally understood the meaning.
I probably wanted to distance myself from everyone, so I could understand how important they were.
How precious they were...
What was the end of the land like?
There was nothing there.
But...
It was bright.
The sky was so beautiful.
It made me wanting to see you again.
That's why I decided to come back.
I'm in love with her.
And so...
We all start to revolve again.
We start to revolve again...
Regards,
SY Leong
Is it down the street, past your neighbourhood, out of your town, far away from home and the things you are used to? Is it that spot right where your feet are grounded, around places and people you've known longer than you've really known yourself? Sometimes, you can feel like just getting on your bike and pedaling hard until your legs start to burn and you feel like you can't push yourself to go an inch further. Sometimes you don't even know where you're going, but you know deep inside that you just have to go. There are times when we just need to know how far we can really get without ever turning back.
I started pedaling without a goal... without even knowing the meaning behind my actions.
I was afraid this whole time.
I was afraid of not knowing the future.
I was afraid of not knowing what I wanted to do.
I was afraid of myself for now knowing what to do.
And I was afraid of the days that were nevertheless flying by mercilessly.
Always... I'd always thought...
"How far can I go without looking back?"
That was the reason I started riding.
I finally understood the meaning.
I probably wanted to distance myself from everyone, so I could understand how important they were.
How precious they were...
What was the end of the land like?
There was nothing there.
But...
It was bright.
The sky was so beautiful.
It made me wanting to see you again.
That's why I decided to come back.
I'm in love with her.
And so...
We all start to revolve again.
We start to revolve again...
Regards,
SY Leong
Sunday, June 13, 2010
New Theory for Life's First Energy Source
An obscure compound known as pyrophosphite could have been a source of energy that allowed the first life on Earth to form, scientists now say.
From the tiniest bacteria to the complex human body, all living beings require an energy-transporting molecule called ATP to survive. Often likened to a "rechargeable battery," ATP stores chemical energy in a form that can be used by organic matter.
"You need enzymes to make ATP, and you need ATP to make enzymes," said researcher Terence Kee of the University of Leeds in England. "The question is: Where did energy come from before either of these two things existed? We think that the answer may lie in simple molecules, such as pyrophosphate, which is chemically very similar to ATP, but has the potential to transfer energy without enzymes."
Obscure but important
Prior theories for how life emerged from mere chemistry have considered that a similar but separate compound known as pyrophosphate was the predecessor to the more complex yet more efficient ATP.
Phosphate has 4 oxygen atoms bound to a central phosphorus atom, and is present in all living cells. When two phosphates combine and lose a water molecule, they form pyrophosphate.
Pyrophosphite, on the other hand, is rarely encountered, chemist Robert Shapiro at New York University told Livescience. "Even in my Google search for it, I got the query: 'Don't you mean pyrophosphate?'"
The presence of "one or two thorny little problems" with its rival molecule [pyrophosphate] had left some unanswered questions, Kee said in a telephone interview.
The two main problems were that pyrophosphate didn't seem to be available in significant amounts in the geological mineral record, and it doesn't react well without catalysts (which weren't around then), according to Kee.
On the other hand, Kee's team has found that pyrophosphite would be "relatively straightforward to prepare from minerals that are known to exist in iron meteorites." The routes to the production of this molecule are simpler than those proposed for pyrophosphate, Kee said.
Though similarly produced through dehydration, and similar in composition except that it has some oxygen atoms replaced by hydrogen, pyrophosphite is rare. Only three pyrophosphite minerals exist, compared with "many phosphate minerals," Kee said.
The chemical's obscurity on Earth is not a sign of its irrelevance. It's highly unstable in today's oxygen-rich environment (meaning it breaks down into other molecules rapidly) but is a superior catalyst (jump-starter) for certain chemical reactions, Kee said, citing as-yet-unpublished evidence.
Lateral thinking
Kee called the altered theory "more a lateral thought process" than a "new concept."
"It is as little strange that pyrophosphite and its ability to act as a phosphorus-transfer agent have been known for some time but it has not been proposed previously as being of any pre-biotic significance," he said. "I suspect because noone had considered the need for it or that it may have been accessible pre-biotically."
Interestingly, machines that manufacture artificial DNA for experiments regularly use pyrophophite in their assembly process, Shapiro said.
-Credits to yahoo.com
From the tiniest bacteria to the complex human body, all living beings require an energy-transporting molecule called ATP to survive. Often likened to a "rechargeable battery," ATP stores chemical energy in a form that can be used by organic matter.
"You need enzymes to make ATP, and you need ATP to make enzymes," said researcher Terence Kee of the University of Leeds in England. "The question is: Where did energy come from before either of these two things existed? We think that the answer may lie in simple molecules, such as pyrophosphate, which is chemically very similar to ATP, but has the potential to transfer energy without enzymes."
Obscure but important
Prior theories for how life emerged from mere chemistry have considered that a similar but separate compound known as pyrophosphate was the predecessor to the more complex yet more efficient ATP.
Phosphate has 4 oxygen atoms bound to a central phosphorus atom, and is present in all living cells. When two phosphates combine and lose a water molecule, they form pyrophosphate.
Pyrophosphite, on the other hand, is rarely encountered, chemist Robert Shapiro at New York University told Livescience. "Even in my Google search for it, I got the query: 'Don't you mean pyrophosphate?'"
The presence of "one or two thorny little problems" with its rival molecule [pyrophosphate] had left some unanswered questions, Kee said in a telephone interview.
The two main problems were that pyrophosphate didn't seem to be available in significant amounts in the geological mineral record, and it doesn't react well without catalysts (which weren't around then), according to Kee.
On the other hand, Kee's team has found that pyrophosphite would be "relatively straightforward to prepare from minerals that are known to exist in iron meteorites." The routes to the production of this molecule are simpler than those proposed for pyrophosphate, Kee said.
Though similarly produced through dehydration, and similar in composition except that it has some oxygen atoms replaced by hydrogen, pyrophosphite is rare. Only three pyrophosphite minerals exist, compared with "many phosphate minerals," Kee said.
The chemical's obscurity on Earth is not a sign of its irrelevance. It's highly unstable in today's oxygen-rich environment (meaning it breaks down into other molecules rapidly) but is a superior catalyst (jump-starter) for certain chemical reactions, Kee said, citing as-yet-unpublished evidence.
Lateral thinking
Kee called the altered theory "more a lateral thought process" than a "new concept."
"It is as little strange that pyrophosphite and its ability to act as a phosphorus-transfer agent have been known for some time but it has not been proposed previously as being of any pre-biotic significance," he said. "I suspect because noone had considered the need for it or that it may have been accessible pre-biotically."
Interestingly, machines that manufacture artificial DNA for experiments regularly use pyrophophite in their assembly process, Shapiro said.
-Credits to yahoo.com
Friday, June 11, 2010
Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
A letter to Ms. Doorseal
Dear Ms. Doorseal,
I should have figured it all out by just looking at your name, shouldn't I? Your door was sealed right from the very beginning, and still I was naive and stubborn enough to try to open it a long time ago. I really did regret it for a very long time. During that period of my life, I tried to deny the fact that I did some stupid things when I was desperately searching for the key.
The reason for my denial was the realization of my own desperation during the process of draining myself of all emotional and intellectual resources. You know I really did try everything. I knocked, picked, poked, searched for a hidden key under the flower vases, looked around for a hidden button, muttered “open sesame” and made myself look like a total idiot, yet I didn't make any progress. Of course all of them are figurative, but I'm not so sure about the part about making myself look like an idiot. Despite my diligence, for some reason, you gladly opened the door for someone else you didn't even know, even if he didn't give any useful effort. I might consider you reasonable if I count in my occasional idiocy, but nonetheless I despised your sexual magnetism-based method of selection, which is now one of the reasons for my logic-based beliefs. I struggled a little while more, but eventually I gave up. After some time, I heard that you did learn the hard way. It's hard to admit but I did murmur to myself, “what a waste”. I guess I'll leave it at that.
Denial was easy. I didn't have to think of you as anything else aside from another human being. I felt like nothing happened. Denial even brought me close to you again, as if I was an old friend of yours and as if we had at least half of our old friendship back. However, I realized not long ago that it's the wrong way to go. All of my stupidity with you really happened, and I should not deny them. Determination and admiration lifted me to the sky, and though it hurt like hell when I crashed, it was fun while the flight lasted. Denying everything was easier, but while I was in the spiral of denial, I couldn't talk about our past with anyone when you're in the vicinity.
Acceptance is a bitch, but believe it or not, I'm gonna endure it for the rest of my life because I want to keep everything real. I will be awkward around you, but the good thing about that awkwardness is the less probability of me feeling too close to you. I might smile when you smile because I am likely to remember that I used to love that smile, yet when I do, I shall try to hide it, for now I love the smile of another. I will appreciate your beauty as always, but will not dare to admire it as I've done before. From now on, whenever I voice out something that might make you blush, please see it as me being true to myself, instead of me acting like a rejected lover trying to rekindle a lost flame. Besides, I rarely say anything that's any good.
Acceptance is a pain in the ass, Ms. Doorseal. Whenever I see you, there will always be a knife prodding my chest, reminding me that the first person I wasn't scared of giving my all was you. Now that it's all in vain, you will forever be my pain—my eternal pain in the ass!
I faithfully hope you understand. Thank you very much.
Sincerely not yours when you're equally not mine,
SY Leong
I should have figured it all out by just looking at your name, shouldn't I? Your door was sealed right from the very beginning, and still I was naive and stubborn enough to try to open it a long time ago. I really did regret it for a very long time. During that period of my life, I tried to deny the fact that I did some stupid things when I was desperately searching for the key.
The reason for my denial was the realization of my own desperation during the process of draining myself of all emotional and intellectual resources. You know I really did try everything. I knocked, picked, poked, searched for a hidden key under the flower vases, looked around for a hidden button, muttered “open sesame” and made myself look like a total idiot, yet I didn't make any progress. Of course all of them are figurative, but I'm not so sure about the part about making myself look like an idiot. Despite my diligence, for some reason, you gladly opened the door for someone else you didn't even know, even if he didn't give any useful effort. I might consider you reasonable if I count in my occasional idiocy, but nonetheless I despised your sexual magnetism-based method of selection, which is now one of the reasons for my logic-based beliefs. I struggled a little while more, but eventually I gave up. After some time, I heard that you did learn the hard way. It's hard to admit but I did murmur to myself, “what a waste”. I guess I'll leave it at that.
Denial was easy. I didn't have to think of you as anything else aside from another human being. I felt like nothing happened. Denial even brought me close to you again, as if I was an old friend of yours and as if we had at least half of our old friendship back. However, I realized not long ago that it's the wrong way to go. All of my stupidity with you really happened, and I should not deny them. Determination and admiration lifted me to the sky, and though it hurt like hell when I crashed, it was fun while the flight lasted. Denying everything was easier, but while I was in the spiral of denial, I couldn't talk about our past with anyone when you're in the vicinity.
Acceptance is a bitch, but believe it or not, I'm gonna endure it for the rest of my life because I want to keep everything real. I will be awkward around you, but the good thing about that awkwardness is the less probability of me feeling too close to you. I might smile when you smile because I am likely to remember that I used to love that smile, yet when I do, I shall try to hide it, for now I love the smile of another. I will appreciate your beauty as always, but will not dare to admire it as I've done before. From now on, whenever I voice out something that might make you blush, please see it as me being true to myself, instead of me acting like a rejected lover trying to rekindle a lost flame. Besides, I rarely say anything that's any good.
Acceptance is a pain in the ass, Ms. Doorseal. Whenever I see you, there will always be a knife prodding my chest, reminding me that the first person I wasn't scared of giving my all was you. Now that it's all in vain, you will forever be my pain—my eternal pain in the ass!
I faithfully hope you understand. Thank you very much.
Sincerely not yours when you're equally not mine,
SY Leong
Sunday, June 6, 2010
An Evening Conversation
Modern Warfare says:
-Errr, you two chose to remain as friends, that's all?
Risa Harada says:
-uh huh
-rather than hurting each other
Modern Warfare says:
-Yikes, why hurting?
Risa Harada says:
-he never makes time for me
-no effort to call me nor send me a message
Modern Warfare says:
-Perhaps I should do the same thing
-I know how it feels
Risa Harada says:
-O_O
-I was there
-all night
-waiting for him
-always waiting
-and when he comes online he doesn't talk to me much
-3
Modern Warfare says:
-For a guy like him, what'd he be busy with anyway?
-Well because of studies? Or work?
Risa Harada says:
-he said studies
-but grr
-I'm also studying too
-but I make time for him
-not fair
-sooo i decided to love myself more..
Risa Harada says:
-HANG ON!!
Modern Warfare says:
-Ah, okay
Risa Harada says:
-ohhh no
-i might need to log out
-soon
->__<
Modern Warfare says:
-Ah, it's almost dinner time already
Risa Harada says:
-no no
-haha
Modern Warfare says:
-But before you leave, Risa
Risa Harada says:
-I'm in a cafe remember?
-my time is about to end
-sure?
Modern Warfare says:
-I think I'm going need an advice from you
Risa Harada says:
-oh
Modern Warfare says:
-So, who was the one who suggested this to remain as friends?
Risa Harada says:
-we both decided
Modern Warfare says:
-It appears I'm in the same boat as you the last time
-I'm the one who always do the waiting
Risa Harada says:
-after a long time of no communication...
-we got to talk
-and it was really awkward
-there's an uneasy feeling
Modern Warfare says:
-Wouldnt you feel hurt once the decision is made?
Risa Harada says:
-well.. i told you i decided to love myself more
-i thought
-if i always wait for him.. the more pain I'm inflicting to myself
Modern Warfare says:
-To love myself more, yeah, you've got a point there
Risa Harada says:
-he didn't gave me a reason for me to wait
-i waited on my own
-and when realization struck me
Modern Warfare says:
-Isnt studies is his reason?
Risa Harada says:
-but I'm studying too
-and i'm about to graduate that time
-I'm the busier one
-but I waited for him
-in his absence. I remembered something he told me oncwe
Modern Warfare says:
-I see, I see
Risa Harada says:
-*once
Modern Warfare says:
-You see, this is my very first love, I found it rather hard for me to give up in this
Risa Harada says:
-he said: "the thing I like most about you is your self respect"
Modern Warfare says:
-And rationally, I should be doing the same thing as you did
Risa Harada says:
-I realized I'm losing my self respect when I wait for him
-Sy
-you love her right?
Modern Warfare says:
-Yeah, of course I do
Risa Harada says:
-love is not suppose to hurt
-when you love, you sacrifice.. but if loving someone is already killing you.. think of yourself
Modern Warfare says:
-Yeah, why didnt I think of that?
-I'm completely blind in such situation
Risa Harada says:
-you always have to love yourself
-then you can see and think over things that occurred to you
Modern Warfare says:
-Oh, thank you, Risa, I just got to realise it now
Risa Harada says:
-did I help?
-:)
Modern Warfare says:
-Yeah, in a very meaningful way
Risa Harada says:
-you helped me too
-by always listening to my stories :)
Modern Warfare says:
-I got very impatient lately
Risa Harada says:
-and being a true friend :D
Modern Warfare says:
-I listen, because I always treat you as a real friend
-=D
-The same case here
Risa Harada says:
-impatient with?
Modern Warfare says:
-Small matters, mostly waiting during traffic jams
Risa Harada says:
-XDDD
Modern Warfare says:
-I tend to cut lanes LOL
-Say, which reminds me, what time you'll be elaving?
-leaving*
Risa Harada says:
-in a few minutes
-i might as well say good bye now
Modern Warfare says:
-No, not good bye, Risa
Risa Harada says:
-always take care Sy!
Modern Warfare says:
-But
-Smell ya
Risa Harada says:
-Smell ya!!!
-:D
Modern Warfare says:
-Same goes to you, have a great life
-Smell~!!
Risa Harada says:
-you too! :D
Modern Warfare says:
-=D
Regards,
SY Leong
-Errr, you two chose to remain as friends, that's all?
Risa Harada says:
-uh huh
-rather than hurting each other
Modern Warfare says:
-Yikes, why hurting?
Risa Harada says:
-he never makes time for me
-no effort to call me nor send me a message
Modern Warfare says:
-Perhaps I should do the same thing
-I know how it feels
Risa Harada says:
-O_O
-I was there
-all night
-waiting for him
-always waiting
-and when he comes online he doesn't talk to me much
-3
Modern Warfare says:
-For a guy like him, what'd he be busy with anyway?
-Well because of studies? Or work?
Risa Harada says:
-he said studies
-but grr
-I'm also studying too
-but I make time for him
-not fair
-sooo i decided to love myself more..
Risa Harada says:
-HANG ON!!
Modern Warfare says:
-Ah, okay
Risa Harada says:
-ohhh no
-i might need to log out
-soon
->__<
Modern Warfare says:
-Ah, it's almost dinner time already
Risa Harada says:
-no no
-haha
Modern Warfare says:
-But before you leave, Risa
Risa Harada says:
-I'm in a cafe remember?
-my time is about to end
-sure?
Modern Warfare says:
-I think I'm going need an advice from you
Risa Harada says:
-oh
Modern Warfare says:
-So, who was the one who suggested this to remain as friends?
Risa Harada says:
-we both decided
Modern Warfare says:
-It appears I'm in the same boat as you the last time
-I'm the one who always do the waiting
Risa Harada says:
-after a long time of no communication...
-we got to talk
-and it was really awkward
-there's an uneasy feeling
Modern Warfare says:
-Wouldnt you feel hurt once the decision is made?
Risa Harada says:
-well.. i told you i decided to love myself more
-i thought
-if i always wait for him.. the more pain I'm inflicting to myself
Modern Warfare says:
-To love myself more, yeah, you've got a point there
Risa Harada says:
-he didn't gave me a reason for me to wait
-i waited on my own
-and when realization struck me
Modern Warfare says:
-Isnt studies is his reason?
Risa Harada says:
-but I'm studying too
-and i'm about to graduate that time
-I'm the busier one
-but I waited for him
-in his absence. I remembered something he told me oncwe
Modern Warfare says:
-I see, I see
Risa Harada says:
-*once
Modern Warfare says:
-You see, this is my very first love, I found it rather hard for me to give up in this
Risa Harada says:
-he said: "the thing I like most about you is your self respect"
Modern Warfare says:
-And rationally, I should be doing the same thing as you did
Risa Harada says:
-I realized I'm losing my self respect when I wait for him
-Sy
-you love her right?
Modern Warfare says:
-Yeah, of course I do
Risa Harada says:
-love is not suppose to hurt
-when you love, you sacrifice.. but if loving someone is already killing you.. think of yourself
Modern Warfare says:
-Yeah, why didnt I think of that?
-I'm completely blind in such situation
Risa Harada says:
-you always have to love yourself
-then you can see and think over things that occurred to you
Modern Warfare says:
-Oh, thank you, Risa, I just got to realise it now
Risa Harada says:
-did I help?
-:)
Modern Warfare says:
-Yeah, in a very meaningful way
Risa Harada says:
-you helped me too
-by always listening to my stories :)
Modern Warfare says:
-I got very impatient lately
Risa Harada says:
-and being a true friend :D
Modern Warfare says:
-I listen, because I always treat you as a real friend
-=D
-The same case here
Risa Harada says:
-impatient with?
Modern Warfare says:
-Small matters, mostly waiting during traffic jams
Risa Harada says:
-XDDD
Modern Warfare says:
-I tend to cut lanes LOL
-Say, which reminds me, what time you'll be elaving?
-leaving*
Risa Harada says:
-in a few minutes
-i might as well say good bye now
Modern Warfare says:
-No, not good bye, Risa
Risa Harada says:
-always take care Sy!
Modern Warfare says:
-But
-Smell ya
Risa Harada says:
-Smell ya!!!
-:D
Modern Warfare says:
-Same goes to you, have a great life
-Smell~!!
Risa Harada says:
-you too! :D
Modern Warfare says:
-=D
Regards,
SY Leong
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Irreplaceable
Coming from someone who has lost a loved one, there is no way at all to replace a person.
Sure you can think of "the good times" if they are any,
but it's mostly remembering the random memories over and over...
It's not true when people say you will be forgotten in six months.
It's a kind of pain that comes in when it wants.
Whether you're driving, or in the shower, it's hard to deal with...
Regards,
SY Leong
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Changes and Experiences
Sunday, April 11, 2010
A little leaf
Putting pen to paper after so much time is in itself a step forward.
You believe you"ve changed. That you've stopped trying to be better.
Higher, than what you are now. You haven't become what you can be.
Never let go of that awareness. That light that still allows you to see yourself honestly.
That awareness of self will not get blinded by the million colours around you, nor by the continuous stream of sound and touch. It will die, however, with the fading away of your conscience, of your search for the divine, eternal peace.
And it will die so slowly, yet so fast, so painfully, yet so smoothly...like a little leaf, pulled off a tree by the harsh wind..and then it floats away gently...unnoticed, in the air. Watch that leaf. Let it blossom and grow.
You want to be better. higher. yet you walk in the other direction, you try to walk on the sea, and think you will be stable, firm. Learn to swim or go back on land.
What you have thought cannot be "un-thought",
what you have felt, created memories, that cannot vanish. What you have known cannot be forgotten, "un-learnt".
Your not going back, but your not moving forward.
Who do you want to be? Can you see yourself? perfect? Wise, humble, kind, filled with love and peace? successful?
See it...feel it..flowing through your veins..and become it.
You know what you have to do for only you know what you really want.
Do it..and you will see real joy entering your life; peeking through your windows and laughing at your door. Calling you.."come, celebrate!, for you are your highest self!"
What didn't God give you? Love in your heart or strength in your body? Vision in your eyes, sound in your ears..Breath for your soul and a mind. And yet you let it all slowly die.
Slowly become a machine. Wake up! see what you can have if you give it to yourself! You will hear time and see thunder!....You will hear existence dancing for you. You will hear your angels prayers.
But instead, you choose to be the little leaf...fallen in a little mud puddle.
You believe you"ve changed. That you've stopped trying to be better.
Higher, than what you are now. You haven't become what you can be.
Never let go of that awareness. That light that still allows you to see yourself honestly.
That awareness of self will not get blinded by the million colours around you, nor by the continuous stream of sound and touch. It will die, however, with the fading away of your conscience, of your search for the divine, eternal peace.
And it will die so slowly, yet so fast, so painfully, yet so smoothly...like a little leaf, pulled off a tree by the harsh wind..and then it floats away gently...unnoticed, in the air. Watch that leaf. Let it blossom and grow.
You want to be better. higher. yet you walk in the other direction, you try to walk on the sea, and think you will be stable, firm. Learn to swim or go back on land.
What you have thought cannot be "un-thought",
what you have felt, created memories, that cannot vanish. What you have known cannot be forgotten, "un-learnt".
Your not going back, but your not moving forward.
Who do you want to be? Can you see yourself? perfect? Wise, humble, kind, filled with love and peace? successful?
See it...feel it..flowing through your veins..and become it.
You know what you have to do for only you know what you really want.
Do it..and you will see real joy entering your life; peeking through your windows and laughing at your door. Calling you.."come, celebrate!, for you are your highest self!"
What didn't God give you? Love in your heart or strength in your body? Vision in your eyes, sound in your ears..Breath for your soul and a mind. And yet you let it all slowly die.
Slowly become a machine. Wake up! see what you can have if you give it to yourself! You will hear time and see thunder!....You will hear existence dancing for you. You will hear your angels prayers.
But instead, you choose to be the little leaf...fallen in a little mud puddle.
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