A little leaf

Putting pen to paper after so much time is in itself a step forward.

You believe you"ve changed. That you've stopped trying to be better.
Higher, than what you are now. You haven't become what you can be.
Never let go of that awareness. That light that still allows you to see yourself honestly.
That awareness of self will not get blinded by the million colours around you, nor by the continuous stream of sound and touch. It will die, however, with the fading away of your conscience, of your search for the divine, eternal peace.
And it will die so slowly, yet so fast, so painfully, yet so smoothly...like a little leaf, pulled off a tree by the harsh wind..and then it floats away gently...unnoticed, in the air. Watch that leaf. Let it blossom and grow.
You want to be better. higher. yet you walk in the other direction, you try to walk on the sea, and think you will be stable, firm. Learn to swim or go back on land.
What you have thought cannot be "un-thought",
what you have felt, created memories, that cannot vanish. What you have known cannot be forgotten, "un-learnt".
Your not going back, but your not moving forward.
Who do you want to be? Can you see yourself? perfect? Wise, humble, kind, filled with love and peace? successful?
See it...feel it..flowing through your veins..and become it.
You know what you have to do for only you know what you really want.
Do it..and you will see real joy entering your life; peeking through your windows and laughing at your door. Calling you.."come, celebrate!, for you are your highest self!"
What didn't God give you? Love in your heart or strength in your body? Vision in your eyes, sound in your ears..Breath for your soul and a mind. And yet you let it all slowly die.
Slowly become a machine. Wake up! see what you can have if you give it to yourself! You will hear time and see thunder!....You will hear existence dancing for you. You will hear your angels prayers.
But instead, you choose to be the little leaf...fallen in a little mud puddle.

Regards,

Chris Redfield

Aftermath: The Leaving

I doubt people will come and look into what I've written here anymore. However, if you happened to have pass by and started to read what am I writing here. Brace yourself, it's going to be puzzling if you don't know me well enough.

I haven't been writing a serious blog for the past few months. Not such of an event that would interested me to write down in here, thus, it appeared to be very idle, which coherent with my laid-back attitude, I'd say this is just how I'm, I suppose.

Few months back, I've already sensed changes in both of us, to the extend we are almost strangers to each others. Not willing to stand out and converse, that's how it started when our bonds got loosen. Then to top it all, I used to think that I've at the least to have a stationary spot in that particular person's life, and it'll last through the end of our life-spans. Heck, I didn't know I was that naive to actually to come out with such a thought.

I had put my whole trust on what s/he said after that incident that brought me to the understanding of the delicate meaning of Friendship is. Both of us spent a lot of time with each other for the next few weeks or so. And there came, university entrance period. Both of us were going to different universities. Lucky me or how unlucky I'm to be, I was assigned to a university that is just 30 minutes from my home but with the course that I wanted all the time!

My university, on the other hand, isn't much of a famous university until its recent growth. I bet the earlier generation people haven't hear of my university name, therefore, putting me in an disadvantage when it comes to job interview.

Just imagine this:

Which university you're from? asked by the employee

XXX, I said

Sounds very unfamiliar to him, logically thinking of me from a university that happened to be quite recent (less competency, in other words). Knowing the situation a lot clear, I've told myself to do the very utmost to strive for 1st class honours to compensate for my university's reputation, that's what I want and mean to do so.

In times, I've got myself indulged fully into studies (didn't mean to boast myself), perhaps it's the thought of loosing out to people, that has indirectly motivated me to go full force on this matter, in turn I didn't come online and chat with him/er. I didn't know anything about his/er life in university for the past 6 months. When I think about it, I often point blame on myself, why I wasn't there with him/er? S/he, physically might look strong, yet deep in it, I know s/he isn't as strong as what most people would think. Because I've seen him/er fell, from there, I know how fragile s/he can be, without not many others' knowledge and from there, I know how unworthy I can be just because of my selfishness.

In a state of dilemma like that, I clearly know that we won't be close to each other like in the past. I chose to abandon him/er, and I know this is unforgivable when it comes to the word Friendship. As if I've thrown away his/er heart to a place I don't even remember where I've thrown to.

Recently, I came to realise s/he has found a better companion coming into his/er life. I'm very jealous, to be frank but that's the price I've paid for abandoning him/er at the first place. I couldn't go back to the previous path, where both of us are happily spending time together. I will, in fact, go on with my current life- that's the only thing I've a hang on now.

Question to, will we become friends again? Even if we become friends again, will we be able to be as close and happy like in the past? I've absolutely no answer nor manipulation towards that. I'll just let it flow, like how river is, on its own, to its own way.

Just to relief from either one of our pain, I've planned not to appear in his/er life as much as possible, that's the reason why I seldom come online. Truth is, I'm scare to see you face to face after my deeds. Assuming you'd forgive me for what I had did, for like you usually would, I still have to bare the burden that brought down to myself.

Fact is, I really miss the good old days, that's for sure... I love you as a best friend of yours.

We know from our youth how to be treated and how we'll be received and how we shall end; these things don't change.
You can change your clothes, change your hairstyle, your friends, cities, continents, but sooner or later your old self will always catch up.

Regards,

SY Leong

I will finally become a mere memory

The Unfinished

Oblivion

“The unwritten will forever remain unwritten until you decided to write it.
You won’t be heard until you said the unsaid.”

Most of the time we never say what we really want to be heard,
We took the time we have for granted because we think everything last forever.
We never realize that once we lost something there's a possibility we can never get it back.

Special Message To My Dear Friends

You thought they were your friends and you would be together until the end but they trashed everything up and said **** that wasn't true so now they gotta pay -- all the blame is on them.

In the end, you will remember not the words of your enemies, but the silence of your true friends. Stay true to yourself because there are very few people who will stay true to you.

Dealing With backstabbers, Theres one thing i've learned. They are only powerful, when you're back is turned.

Its funny how you can be hurt so bad from the person you least expected it from.

"Take out the picture, blow off the dust
Take off the frame, it's starting to rust
Remember the times you guys had together
What happened to being Best Friends Forever"

Nowadays theres no honour, only drama. Your friend today can be your enemy tomorrow. It's funny how you can grow away from your friends, when just a few years ago they were the most important people in your life. Some people don't deserve the memories you share with them

Things change, and so do I.
friendships change too, I always wonder why...

To forget a friend is sad.
Not everyone has had a real friend.

The list just keeps getting
[[shorter and shorter]]
and there's fakes around every corner.

It's amazing when two strangers become the
best of friends, but its sad when the
best of friends become two strangers.

*Some people don't catch on
they rather just pretend*
While things are going smooth
they smile and call you 'friend'.
Funny how you never know who
cares until it hurts,
and when it's over, does it
matter who blew off who first?

Its funny how your worst
enemies always seem to turn out
to be all your best friends.

As soon as you start to let go
they start to catch on...
when they come back (like always)
laugh in their face and never give in...
they should've realized what they
had before they said good-bye...

Life takes your dreams and turns
them upside down. Friends talk
about you when you're not
around. People make promises that
they never keep and I've
come to realize talk is cheap.

Trust takes years to build
and only seconds to shatter.

To the ones who chose to stab you
in the back, stay fake. They always were.

I'll be the next friends you guys lack.

When **** goes down, sides are taken. Thats when you find out who is real and whos faking.

YOU SUCK,

SY Leong

UFC Sarsarap TV Commercial

Special Dedication to:

Nathianne

Regards,

Chris Redfield

P/S: I'm not DEAD just INACTIVE, and a bit forgetful at times...

It's not about how hard you hit, its about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward

"The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place... and I don´t care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently, if you let it. You, me or nobody, is gonna hit as hard as life. But ain't about how hard you hit... It's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward... how much you can take, and keep moving forward. That´s how winning is done. Now, if you know what you worth, go out and get what you worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hits. And not pointing fingers saying: You ain´t what you wanna be because of him or her or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain´t you! You´re better than that!" (Rocky Balboa)



Regards,
SY Leong